Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I have given my son, Jeremy, an awesome responsibility.

In an effort to never become that guy. That fat, middle aged dude that wears sandals, sports a Kenny Rogers beard and rocks the Tommy Bahama shirt. You know that guy. The guy that drives a brand new Mustang Cobra but doesn't know who the Hell Carroll Shelby is! Anyway, I have compiled a list of quotes that are NEVER to come out of my mouth. I have given my son the awesome responsibility to kick me in the balls the moment he hears any of these.
In descending order:

10.     “Hmm, I’m really thinking about buying an RV.”
9.       “Hey Jeremy, I got us Lady Gaga tickets!”
8.       “Have you ever seen Jersey Shore? It’s really good!”
7.       “We’re going to the zoo? Let me get my pith helmet, cargo shorts, and camera vest.”
6.       “I’m going to sell one of my bikes to pay for the Disney Cruise.”
5.       “Slow down! This isn’t safe!”
4.       “I don’t think I approve of your new girlfriend, she looks kinda slutty.”
3.       “Tequila never solved anything.”
2.       “Avoid whores and strippers son, they’re bad news.”
1.       “Now that your mom and I are officially divorced, I’m really thinking about getting re-married.”
This goes out to all of my friends as well. If you hear me say any of these, kick me in the balls....

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